How Do I Know If I Should See Them Again?

Your first date was all right.

They were cool.

But you don’t have strong feelings one way or the other.

Should you see them again?

Here’s the problem with first dates:

They’re misleading.

The person you meet on that first date is not who they really are.

It’s the persona they put on to impress you. (We all do this. We’re not trying to deceive; we’re trying to make a good first impression.)

And many people aren’t at their best when they’re trying to impress. They try to act cool – and come across like they couldn’t care less about meeting you. They try to act sexy – and end up turning you off. They try to act confident – and end up sounding arrogant instead.

If you judge them for how well they performed on that first date, all you’re seeing is their performance – not the real person underneath.

You won’t get to see their “true self” until you’ve been out enough that they feel comfortable and safe with you.

The rule of thumb is this:

It takes about 3 dates to really get to know whether you might be compatible with someone.

By the third date, you should know whether you want a relationship with them or not.

So if you think there’s potential there – even if the chemistry isn’t off the charts, even if you’re not sure you want the same thing – it can pay to meet once or twice more.

Be honest with them:

“I enjoyed hanging out with you. I’m not sure whether this could go anywhere, but I’d like to hang out again and get to know you a little better.”

Here’s another guideline:

Is this person someone you think you could respect and admire?

If you think they’re really cool – even if you’re not sure they’re right for you – it can pay to meet up again. Regardless of whether you end up together or not, they’re someone worth knowing.