You’re excited to meet. You’ve arranged the evening off. Maybe you’ve dressed and picked up the keys.
When suddenly…
You get a text.
“Sorry, think I’m coming down with something. Can’t make it tonight.”
Are they really sick… or just backing out?
Claiming “sickness” is one of the top 6 most common excuses people give for backing out of a date, according to eHarmony.
There’s an easy way to find out whether the excuse was true:
Pay attention to whether they reschedule.
If they were genuinely sick, they’re still going to want to meet you. They’ll text you again to find a new time to catch up.
But if they were just backing out, they won’t follow up or reschedule. You’re unlikely to hear from them again.
Is it ethical to claim you’re sick when you just want an excuse not to go?
In fairness to everyone who does actually come down with something before a highly-anticipated date, the answer is no.
Try one of these phrases instead:
“I’m realizing I don’t have the energy to show up well tonight. I don’t want to waste your time.”
“Today got away from me and I’m not going to make it. I’m sorry for the late notice.”
“I’m not in the right headspace to be good company tonight.”
Or just say simply: “I need to cancel tonight. I’m sorry for the short notice.”
Then follow up by saying:
“I know this is last minute and that’s not ideal. I should have said something sooner.”
Let them know whether you still plan to move forward:
“I can’t make tonight, but I’m still excited to meet you. Are you free later this week?” or
“I’ve been thinking, and I don’t feel the connection I was hoping for. I’m going to step back from this, but I wish you well.”
Honest communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship, so use this as an opportunity to practice it.
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