You know what you want.
You want a date who’s over 6′, works out, drives a nicer car, and makes more than you do.
You want a date who’s under 25, slim, long-haired, fun, and happy.
We all have our wish lists.
And we should ditch them.
Because one of the enduring lessons of dating research is that we never end up with the type of person we thought we’d end up with.
We go out with someone who’s not our type – and end up talking for hours.
Our friends push us to meet this person who doesn’t sound all that great – and it’s sparks at first sight.
We are TERRIBLE at knowing who we’ll get on with.
Because what makes a great relationship isn’t each person’s objective qualities. It’s nothing you can measure with a survey or questionnaire. It’s how you get along.
The dynamic you create when the two of you are put in a room together is what makes a relationship sink or swim.
And no dating app can predict that, no matter how much information it has about you.
In scientific terms:
Dating “algorithms seek to predict long-term romantic compatibility from characteristics of the two partners before they meet. Yet the strongest predictors of relationship well-being, such as a couple’s interaction style and ability to navigate stressful circumstances, cannot be assessed with such data.” (Online Dating: A Critical Analysis From the Perspective of Psychological Science)
The best scientific research we have says that nothing can predict in advance whether you’ll be a good match with someone. You have to meet up, interact, and see how well you get on.
So ignore those bold dating app claims that they can find you your perfect match. One person could be a 94% match and entirely unsuitable. Another person could be a 20% match and perfect for you in every way.
Instead, focus on how you feel when you’re with someone new.
Do you like the dynamic you have together? Does it feel like you’re in tune? Do you get turned on by the same things? Is it easy and fun?
As you get to know each other, you can also ask yourself dating coach Ken Page‘s question:
“Does my soul feel safe with this person?”
That’s the sign of a true soul connection.
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