According to Christchurch celebrant and relationship coach Janel Atlas, marriage in New Zealand is in trouble.
2025 had the lowest number of couples getting married since 1953. The general marriage rate dropped from 15.5 marriages per thousand eligible adults in 2020 to just 7.6 five years later.
And there are many reasons why.
Traditional marriage doesn’t work for everyone. We have higher expectations of our romantic partners, and we’re perfectly happy living alone while we wait for love to strike. We aren’t pressured into marriage like previous generations; no one needs a wedding ring to buy a house or be considered an adult.
But not getting married doesn’t mean Kiwis are going solo. New Zealand is 3rd in the world in terms of number of average lifetime sexual partners (13.2).
We’re still falling in love, hooking up, living together, and making babies. We’re just not doing it in order anymore. We’re picking and choosing the parts of relationships we want – and leaving behind the parts we don’t want.
And maybe that wild world of unpredictable relationships isn’t a disappointment. Maybe it’s an opportunity. A chance to imagine new forms of relationships that fit our modern lives.
Janel explores some of these new types of relationships with Christchurch Dating host Amy Waterman in this interview.
Topics covered include:
- The “relationship escalator” and the pressure to keep progressing
- Why different relationship needs do not automatically mean lack of love
- Conscious monogamy and intentionally designed relationships
- How to start difficult relationship conversations
- What to do when a partner becomes defensive or shuts down
- Emotional self-regulation and communication during conflict
- The difference between compromise and self-abandonment
- Why changing a relationship can sometimes destabilize it
- The idea that a relationship ending does not necessarily mean it failed
Janel offers individual/couples coaching here in Christchurch. Visit her website to find out more.
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